致命的大錯

"finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."

"qualifications: no education or experience."

"i am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

"my compensation should be at least equal to my age."

"reason for leaving: it had to do with the irs, fbi and sec."

"fired because i fought for lower pay."

"size of employer: very tall, probably over 65" .

"please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."

"reason for leaving: my boss said the end of the world is near."

"reason for leaving: the owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. i prefer to elaborate privately."

打字錯誤與語法錯誤

"here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"strengths: ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"i am a rabid typist."

"work history: performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."

"after receiving advice from several different angels, i have decided to

pursue a new line of work."

"accounting cleric."

"as indicted, i have over five years of experience analyzing investments."

"suspected to graduate earlynce analyzing investments."

"suspected to graduate early next year."

"disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"accomplishments: oversight of entire department."

"am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

"accomplishments: completed 11 years of high school."

不應有的幽默

"note: keep this resume on top of the stack. use all others to heat your house."

"assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (translation: short-order cook.)

"but wait...theres more. you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."

"i have an excellent track record, although i am not a horse."

"my fortune cookie said, your next interview will result in a job-and i like your company in particular."

"title: another resume from the profiles in excellence series."

"also known as: mr. productivity, mr. clever, mr.fix-it."

"trustworthy references available upon request-if i give them a few bucks."

"lets meet so you can ooh and ahh over my experience."